Bad Times Spoof
Summary:Email mocks the "Good Times" virus hoax by detailing the outrageous effects of an imaginary virus named "Badtimes" (
Full commentary below).
Status:Spoof
Example:(Submitted via email, 2003)
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes,"
delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most
dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will s
cramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on
all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up
the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will
mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer
and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company
coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere
with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in
traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It
will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your
shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel
rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead,
such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to
sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a
full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your
mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is
insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It
is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Be very, very afraid.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!
Commentary:
This email is actually a spoof of an old hoax. The email
makes fun of the old GoodTimes virus hoax that filled inboxes a
few years ago.
Possibly, its writer penned it in an effort to debunk the
original hoax in a humorous way. Unfortunately, the spoof itself
has spawned many versions, some of which have been abridged to
the point that people once again believe they are legitimate
warnings.
I think there is some irony in there somewhere (grin).
In
another strange twist, pop group, Laika, have used the words from this hoax email as the lyrics to one of their singles, a move that may help to educate the general public about virus hoaxes. In any case, Laika's musical version of the hoax makes for a good song.
Write-up by Brett M. Christensen
