The Tale of The Killer Biscuits
Friday, July 13, 2007
The following email forward tells the tale of a woman who thought that she had been shot in the head after a biscuit canister exploded and catapulted a wad of dough onto the back of her neck. According to the message, the hapless victim, believing that the dough was in fact her brains, sat in her car desperately holding in her escaping grey matter for over an hour until help arrived.
The message is written to look like a genuine news article and many recipients apparently take it as such. However, the story is in fact an enduring urban legend that has been told and retold for a number of years. About.com notes that variants of the same story "first began showing up in newspaper columns, stand-up comedy routines, and Internet discussions during the mid-1990s".
Did such an incident ever actually take place? Probably not. In all probability, some wag in search of humorous material, simply invented the tale. And the email version shown below is, of course, not a real news article although, like its predecessors, it is certainly amusing.
An example of the email:
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.
posted by Brett Christensen @ 1:09 PM,